” To talk or not to talk”

It’s a scientific fact that we are all energy and the only thing that differentiates us is our vibrational frequencies (high or low energy).  It’s therefore down to us to choose which vibration we want to exist in.

Since others are reflections of us and we are all ‘one’ on a spiritual level, whatever you do or say to others is essentially what you do to yourself.  This is a basic principle that I choose to live my life by, so let me tell you about the effect that talking about others ultimately has on us.  More specifically I want to talk about couples dynamics including my own with my husband, Daniel.

Picture this.  You go out for dinner with friends and on the way back in the car, you and your partner immediately in a non-judgmental manner (yeah right) begin to talk about the friends that you’ve just dined with.  Think about how many times you’ve done that!  Harmless right?  Or so you think…

About two years ago, Daniel and I made a conscious decision not to talk about our fellow couples behind their backs.  We found that we were subconsciously looking for things to gossip about because it was the easiest conversation starter: what X said at the table; how unhappy X and X are; how disrespectful X was to his wife and how on earth X could get so drunk and make a fool of herself.  It was meaningless conversation and simple gossip.  Short term it gave us something to talk about and made us feel better about ourselves and our own relationship.  It also gave us common ground and showed we were on the same page.  But in reality what we were doing was nothing short of poisoning our own energetic field, which in result manifested itself as a conflict or argument between us, sometimes days or even hours later.

For instance if Daniel was to say something about his parents, instead of listening and letting him express and process his own feelings and then moving on from the subject, I would gladly chip in at the earliest opportunity and support his observations.  In my own feminine way, I would also add more emotional and dramatic energy to the conversation.  In the end something that should have just been a brief ‘letting off steam’ moment would end up being dragged out in a full on 15 minute rant with me reminding him of other things that his ‘imperfect’ parents have done.  Days later that negative energy would then come back full circle and present us with an argument or a disconnection.

My point is when we gossip, we are doing nothing else but disconnecting from ourselves, so be careful of that trap.  It’s a pattern that so many couples follow, usually at the very early stages of a relationship.  It appears to help us ‘bond’ but in reality does the exact opposite and channels negativity in your own relationship.

Since Daniel and I made this decision of never talking about others behind their backs, we have noticed that we have brought more truth and space into our relationship.  We instead started to look for the positive qualities in other people and as a result our gratitude for life and the simple things has grown.  We have formed a new healthy habit and now choose to live in positive rather than negative energy and we get this back in abundance with our own relationship.

Two years later, if any of us has something negative to say, the other just listens and gives space to that person or gently navigates from a negative place into a positive one.  We respect each others need to process something negative at times but the difference now is that we just leave it there… no more chipping in.

So for all of you reading this post, I hope it gives you food for thought on what you could do or change in your own relationships, be it with your partner, mum or daughter.

With love Wioletta